As an ardent believer in love and a hopeless romantic believing in the possibility of true romanticized love, I’ve always searched for a relationship with someone that embodied those beliefs. It was only after finding what was seemingly that relationship I so desired, and that very relationship tearing me apart, that I realized that love is more than just the romanticized version we’re sold on. It is more than a relationship with another being. Love is an essence that one should recognize within themselves first to truly experience it in all aspects of life. It was upon this realization that I knew that I was my greatest love story.
As women, we are often told that we should aspire to have and to build this romantic tale between two people, yet society forgets that a woman is the essence of love herself. A woman is the being that breeds love unconditionally and literally breeds from love and with love. Women do not require love to be complete, in fact it’s the other way around. The world needs women in order to feel love and grow in the way that it does. Society tells us that we should look for love because it does not want women to recognize the strength we have within to give or withhold the beauty that is love from the world. This essence resides within us and that is to be honored and respected in order to be worthy of experiencing it.
In recognizing this love within ourselves, we free ourselves from the bondage of this fairytale, and instead can learn to map our lives around our worth. As such, I offer this affirmation to all women on this Women’s Day:
I am love. The love I am and the love I give is invaluable. To receive this love one must match this love and honor it’s presence. By honoring me, one honors my love. By honoring my love, one experiences love truly. And that is why I am my greatest love story.
I have always felt that I am an old soul, ever since 5-year-old me couldn’t relate to my peers and was more concerned with life philosophies than toys (although I did and still love my toys!). As such, in these 30 years of life I have learned many things through introspection, observation, education, and most of all, experience. On my 30th birthday today, I share with you 30 things that I have learned and I will elaborate on each one throughout my birthday month. Join me in a conversation on the learnings listed here and the philosophies behind them!
30 at 30
“Where there is love there is life” – Mahatma Gandhi
I am my greatest love story.
Life can change DRASTICALLY in seconds.
Blood may be thicker than water, but even your blood can betray and leave you.
Hustle hard and early in life because it pays off BIG later in more ways than you think.
Never stop learning because that’s when you stop growing.
Never give up!
Follow your heart, it knows the way.
Love freely and openly – it’s too beautiful not to express!
Be YOU because you were made this way for a beautiful reason.
Know your flaws. Accept your flaws. Love your flaws. They make you beautiful.
Your greatest obstacle is your mindset.
Breed positivity and you’ll have an abundance of good people at your side.
Time does not determine value in a relationship, respect does.
Life is a result of our choices.
Other people’s opinions are great for reflection, but remember to walk away from the mirror and decide for yourself.
Perception is reality in the minds of others, but reality always makes itself known when it matters.
Be approachable, not accessible.
Never be afraid to be as fabulous as you are – the world needs more of it.
Smile and smile often – for you, for your people, and for the people who just need to see the world smile some more.
Fight for what’s right even when the world is against you – it’s not about them, it’s not about karma, it’s about doing what’s right because it’s the right thing to do.
Believing in yourself is the best investment you can make.
Love your people and love on them often.
Life really is short, so do what you can today because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.
Prepare yourself for the life you want because you never know when it will become real.
There are habits you can change and there are habits that are actually characteristics. Know the difference and train yourself accordingly.
The foundations of ANY relationship (friend, family, intimate) are Trust and Respect.
You’ll never regret trying.
Fear is the world’s way of testing you. You have to decide when you’re ready to pass and level up.
This is YOUR life. Live it your way.
Aaj ho mere saath Toh yaad zaroor rakhna ye baat Izzat doge toh mein hoon saath Varna chune ke liye bhi na hoga yeh haath
Yeh zamana mera hai Abhi main kabool karti hoon Saara jahan dekha ga Main kis duniya ki bani hoon
Translation (adjusted for meaning): Today if you’re with me Please remember what I say Respect me and I’m with you Otherwise even my hand will be too far away
This season is mine I accept it and manifest it The whole world will see From which realm I may be
People often continue through life in the expectations of society and the community they are surrounded by, and spend all their time living up to those expectations. In fact, we are conditioned to believe that there is a set path we need to follow in order for life to be “successful” or “complete”. What is forgotten in this conditioning is that everyone is unique and has their own path to follow. Each individual gets to decide how they shape their life and success is defined by them and no one else. If there is anything to glean from this year, it is that life is unpredictable, so rather than waiting for society’s expected life moments to be happy or do the things we want to do, we should do those things now. We should make time for and design our life around what our hearts say our life needs. Most people wait to do that when they ‘retire’, but you don’t know what life will look like after 40 years, let alone tomorrow, so why wait to live it until then?
Holding back your passions or waiting to do the things you want to do in life is just preventing you from living your life to the fullest. In an effort to encourage y’all to live your best life, let’s recognize and celebrate what you gave time to in 2020. I want you to recognize what’s important to you and aim to give more time to those things in 2021.
For the last day of 2020, and Day 1 of Fast 5 of the Last 5, let us celebrate the time we gave to what was important to us.
Without pause, quickly list 5 things or people that you made time for in 2020.
1. The People I Love
2. My Passions
4. My Personal Growth
5. Life Goals
Share your 5 things in the comments and on social media, and be sure to use the hashtags #Fast5oftheLast5 #F5L5 #2020F5L5 and tag me (@__akiti__) so we can celebrate the value of what you gave time to.
This had to be the fastest yet slowest year we have experienced. It felt like life was slipping away and we were not able to make use of it as we originally intended and yet it was moving so torturously slow that it felt like the shenanigans of the year would never end. For those familiar with the game Jumanji, it definitely felt like someone started the game in the first quarter and each stage of the game was a new kind of crazy that we couldn’t wait to get past. Well it’s finally the last day of 2020, and I join everyone in the hopes that today runs smoothly and we just make it to tomorrow without anything falling apart. When the 31st of December comes each year, we tend to reminisce about all the things we’ve done this year – the good and the bad – as well as all the possibilities of the year to come. Since we tend to make time for the things we truly enjoy, and we spend time frivolously on everything else, I want to spend this last day thinking about the hours and days I spent on the things that I truly valued.
One of my greatest accomplishments this year was that I did make time for the life I love and the one I have wanted to live. Even before the pandemic hit, I had envisioned this year as one that I would spend building the foundation for the life I deserve. I initiated a lot of that work in the first few months, and when the pandemic hit, I actively chose to allocate time focusing on the tasks and lifestyle choices that aligned to that life. It was a struggle, as much of this year was, but I am proud that I was able to make some amazing strides and succeeded in making time for what mattered most to me.
To continue the theme of making time for the things that matter, I am not going to go into deeper reflections on my 5 things in hopes that you all spend today making time for what matters to you. Let’s spend the last day of 2020 celebrating not just the end of this year and the beginning of the next, but celebrating life itself and the fact that we get to live it!
In this life of mine The unknown is time To live life accordingly Is the main goal of mine
When people talk about love, it is usually in the romantic sense of the term. I want to remind y’all that love is a term of endearment and it has many forms. Of those forms, the most beautiful love is the one you grow to have for yourself. This year will be known for many things – the year of the pandemic, the year of the global lockdown, the virtual year, and so much more – but what all of the horrible things this year did was give us time at home and time with ourselves. I hope that the time you had to reflect on your life and yourself was fruitful and I want to celebrate what you learned to love about you.
Without pause, quickly list 5 things you learned to love about you in 2020. Here’s what I love about me!
1. My Heart
2. My Humanity
3. My Mind
4. My Body
5. My Strength
Share your 5 things in the comments and on social media, and be sure to use the hashtags #Fast5oftheLast5 #F5L5 #2020F5L5 and tag me (@__akiti__) so we can celebrate you for you!
Growing up I was bullied and isolated for being Indian, being different, or being the big nerd that I am, so I didn’t really see myself as beautiful or worthy in any regard. It became more of an issue as I grew older because I was forever friend-zoned by guys because I get along so well with the opposite sex, but was never approached by anyone romantically. It made me think maybe I just wasn’t attractive in any way to anyone. My family and friends all found it shocking because they told me I’m beautiful and am such a catch for any guy with my looks and personality. Many acquaintances attributed it to my being intimidating, but I never liked that concept because I don’t want to have to limit myself or bring myself down just to be attractive to someone. I thought I was cute and smart and someone would eventually like that, so I just continued on with my life never really loving my looks, just accepting them.
It was only after my ex-husband courted me that I started feeling and seeing myself as pretty, which isn’t really a great reason because it was external validation. That meant that it could be taken away, and that’s exactly what happened. During my marriage he and his family made a ton of comments about my looks, judging me and putting me down constantly by telling me how I should try and look and dress like other girls they’d talk about. When they chased me out of our house (essentially ending our marriage), they said the didn’t want a girl like me and they would find a more suitable girl for him. This shattered me. It was hurtful not only because they had been looking for girls for him (that’s a whole other issue), but because he didn’t want me anymore and my mind immediately went to thinking maybe it was because I wasn’t good enough. It was wrong of me to think this, and anyone who has survived abuse knows how unfortunate it is that our minds take us to that place immediately. The reality is that it didn’t matter how I looked or acted, they didn’t want me to begin with and that’s why it was easy for them to throw me away. That’s the problem with finding external validation for ourselves. When it doesn’t come from within, anyone can take it away, and that leaves us without a basis to love ourselves for who we are, as we are.
While working through my trauma, there came a day when I looked in the mirror and finally saw how beautiful I was and it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. I had been working on accepting who I was at the core of my being and it was in that process that I realized my own beauty – mind and body. I will be sure to explain that process one day for you all, but the result of me seeing my true beauty was phenomenal, and since then I take every opportunity to remind myself how amazing I am. It’s not to say that I am conceded or am bragging about myself, in fact I despise that society expects one to belittle themselves in the name of humility. Everyone should love themselves and celebrate themselves, and there is nothing wrong with recognizing how amazing you are and celebrating it. In 2020, my love for myself grew immensely and I want to share it with you all in hopes that it inspires you to love yourselves as well.
Since I have seen a lot of trauma in my life, at home and otherwise, and I never wanted anyone else to feel that way. In an effort to save others from that pain, I vowed at a very young age to always be a smiling face for others and spread the immense love I felt everyone deserved. At the time I just thought it was the right thing to do – to be kind and loving to all – but in 2020 I realized just how much the world needs more of that. The world needs more people to be kind, to be loving, and to want to spread love because the warmth from it is healing. I love that I have a big enough heart to genuinely care and love so hard on my people and the people I come across that it brings such beautiful smiles to their faces. It’s one of my favorite things about me.
I have always been caring to others, so much so that many of my friends referred to me as “Mama Keets” in high school for taking care of everyone – friends and strangers – in such a motherly fashion (also, because I drove a mini van, aka a momma van, that everyone loved!). I am this way because I always saw my parents display such care for everyone in their lives and strangers as well because they believed that respecting people as people first was important, not just based on their relation to you, their societal status, or their culture. It is why I wanted to be a lawyer growing up and studied different languages, diplomacy, international relations, and philosophy. I wanted to understand people and protect them.
I didn’t continue to pursue law, but I never stopped standing up for humanity and playing my part as an activist where possible. When the Black Lives Matter Movement and Farmer’s Protests erupted in 2020, I didn’t shy away from vocalizing my thoughts on the subjects and continue to support the causes where and when possible. I love that I feel so strongly for people and have this sense of urgency to support them even if I have no direct relation or reason why. I do it because it feels right and I appreciate that about myself very much so.
I am a super nerd. I accept that wholeheartedly, whether it has negative connotations or not, it is who I am and I love it! I love learning about everything, having intellectual conversations, philosophizing about the world and the unknowns, and dreaming about the possibilities. I experience so much joy from the amount of knowledge there is in this universe to absorb and how much beauty there is to explore that I have no shame in sharing it and expressing it to others. I was bullied for being a teacher’s pet in school, for always raising my hand to engage in the classroom or for doing random extra credit assignments (like balancing equations for fun). I did those things because I love learning and challenging my mind, not because I wanted the teacher’s attention (I loved my teachers, but I have zero interest in the concept of playing favorites). Beyond that, I am genuinely amazed at what my mind can do. It is such a beautiful thing and mine is such an anomaly to me. I retain almost all the information I come across so long as I fully comprehend it and I am really good at recalling it for productive use in my work and my daily life. I never realized how amazing this was until one of my really good friends in the corporate world pointed it out this year. I’ve learned to really appreciate the endless possibilities of my mind and love that I’ve created this platform to share my thoughts with you all as well!
As aforementioned, I struggled a lot with loving my body. It has truly been a process, but I am finally in a place that I love it and this year took that love to another level entirely. With the pandemic forcing us to spend so much time at home and being expected to interact with everyone virtually, we were really pressed to think about our health and physical appearances with all the pressure you find in the virtual space. I actually went on a journey with natural products because I have many adverse reactions to chemicals and medicines that I wanted to give the natural, Ayurvedic route a try. I moved to essential oils for my skin, hair, and household products. I became consistent with yoga and finally found a workout plan that works for me.
These were all immensely successful for my body and overall health this year, which led me to fall even more deeply in love with the body I have been given and how beautiful it is to me. After all the work I put in to caring for my body in 2020, I am ending the year with healthy glowing skin, beautiful hair I am enjoying a ton, my asthma and other health issues under control, and not having had a severe illness all year. For that I am extremely grateful, and love my body the way it is.
This year I began sharing my life story a bit more and many have told me that they never would have known that I had been through so much had I not told them. The reason they say this is because they always see my smiling, enjoying life, or being super productive in my work space. I don’t express my pain openly because I believe it adds no value to let it affect my daily activities and, more so, I don’t want others to feel what I feel. I don’t like the idea of releasing those painful vibes to anyone because that’s not what I want for others. That’s why I choose to deal with my traumas on my own time and in my own way, and that works really well for me. I never thought of that as strength, but this year I’ve learned just how amazing that is. There are many people who I met virtually that really struggle with their traumas and expressed to me just how admirable and inspiring it is that I am able to look past all of the pain and live a loving life. And I love that! I love that my strength has inspired others in so many ways and I intend on continuing to display that strength and sharing my story to help others however I can.
You are the epitome Of so much of the beyond Your beauty is to be cherished One no being can abscond A tragedy it would be If your value is ignored Not by others, they are busy Love yourself, you are yours