My Dream Wedding of a Nightmare Marriage

I had been thinking for a while where and how to start this series because how exactly does one write about the dream wedding they had and loved that ended with a traumatically broken marriage of nightmares? I’ll tell you how: by choosing to own every beautiful moment in life because, whether deemed positive or negative, those moments have contributed to bringing one to the current position and place in life.

I have always maintained that mindset along with the belief that everything does in fact happen for a reason. Had I not gone through each experience in my life, I would not tread the world in the manner in which I do now – and I absolutely LOVE where I am and who I am today!
So let’s start with how I came to the conclusion to share this part of my life with y’all. Quite frankly, it’s because I absolutely loved my wedding from dreaming of it to planning for it to finally experiencing it…but I never got to share it. As superficial as that may seem, to me it isn’t superficial at all. I grew up with a photographer for a father who captured every moment of my life whether good or bad, and with an extremely creative & loving mother who found the most beautiful ways to present those moments throughout our home, and not leave them confined to albums, to celebrate those moments as they deserved. I grew up watching slideshows of our lives and walking around a home of our memories, so naturally, I have a tendency to want to share those moments in my life because they are a part of who I am.

Now for some clarification.

Many of the folks closest to me have asked me, as many of you are probably wondering as well, “why do you keep the photos?”, “why don’t you remove/hide them from your social accounts?”, and, the best, “why don’t you put it all behind you as if it didn’t happen and move on?” Well, as I’ve said to them, I now say to you all that I truly believe that by hiding the “bad” parts of our lives we encourage our hearts and minds to pretend as if those moments didn’t exist, which never ends well in the long run. Doing so is the same as simply throwing a sheet over old furniture in an attic – it’s hidden from the world, but still exists in your life, in the back of your mind, and is taking space in your home.

My life has thrown me a TON of curve balls and “bad” experiences, and I spent a good amount of my primitive years pretending none of those things existed beyond the four walls of my family home (I won’t touch on those in this series, but I’ll let y’all into those experiences at some point, promise). Pretending for so long created such a chasm in my life where I didn’t feel like I could truly connect with people because I was hiding such a huge part of me. That’s why around high school I decided I wouldn’t hide that part of my life and when I’m already transparent and unapologetic about who I am, I would do the same with such experiences because they’re a part of me, too. I chose then to face all of life’s experiences head on and own each one because I can’t control or change the life and experiences I’ve been given, but I can control how I choose to live with those experiences. And I choose to work through the experiences and emotions tied to them so that I can be absolutely and genuinely certain with how I think and feel today; not worried that I have underlying emotions waiting to burst through.

And for those worried about how this choice impacts any future relationship or wedding of mine, first of all, thank you for your concern – I appreciate you – and secondly, my experiences have taught me that following your heart and being true to who you are will always bring you the people that are meant to be in your life. When that time comes, my person will embrace me as I am, along with every experience that has shaped me.

What’s to come.

I’m going to share every moment of my wedding that I love and cherish, but without the trauma and divorce that followed. One day when I’m ready, I’ll share my story, but for now I want to share with you an epic event in my life that was the true culmination of my passions. I hope you’ll follow along and join me in accepting this part of me.

Kuch aise pal zindagi ke bhi hain
Jo dusre log tukhraatein hain
Hum un pal ko bhi apnaatein hain
Kyun ki woh humein hum banaatein hain

Translation (adjusted for meaning):
There are such moments in life
That people deny because of strife
Those moments I also accept & take
Because it’s me who they make

– Akiti –